The first way to cultivate an online personality is to actually be online.
Sorry, but I've had too much real life. Actually I've been living two lives; it would've been three lives if I would have kept up with the blog. As a personal calculator, me leading two lives expires at two months--approximately.
Life number one:
A high school senior in the rural south. No, I don't spend my time huntin' before school, and, no, I haven't kissed any of my cousins. I haven't gotten a B since that dreadful geometry class freshman year, I've read almost all the classics, and my writing awards do not fit into my college applications. I'm a master at self-deprecation, and I hide my fear of failure. When I sit down in a back scratching train, I am skipped because my muscles are as stiff as a bookcase. I'm not muscle. I'm stress.
Life number two:
I have a foreign boyfriend. His name is Mustafa. He's an immigrant from Eastern Europe finishing his master's degree. He is handsome and romantic. Merging life #1 and life #2 was an interesting experiment. My friends reactions were, "hot damn, get it girl!" while my parents went something like, "Carmella, what would a man that age want with a girl in high school? We always knew you would date older, but this...this...is too much." (gotta love the wild card kid)
My parents thought it safest to enforce supervised dates. A movie date meant my older brother in a row behind. Going out to dinner meant being flanked with two parents that spoke to him like he only knew elementary-level English. Moments alone, like walking my dog, was something treasured.
Impatience is my deadly sin. Within a month I was secretly dating Mustafa. And by the next month I was caught. And by that time we were in love.
I have ignored this blog because my life had become a lie. I used to live by deadlines, test dates, and the promise of four hours of sleep. Now I am emotional and confused. Sometimes I annoy myself, and I know it's mutual when my best friend rolls her eyes.
im obsessed with you.
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