F-Flossing

I flossed my teeth for the first time today. The only other times my teeth have been flossed is at the dentist. Every year I recline back in the dentist chair saying, "No I haven't really been flossing that much." Which means I never ever, not once, even had the inclination to floss my semi-pearly whites. And every year I get up from the dentist chair saying, "Thanks for the floss. I'll definitely use it." That's a full-fledged lie. Sometimes the dentist goody-bag floats around in my car for the next few months, while other times I discard it under my sink. Either way the floss ends up in the trash when I am forced to clean.

Yesterday my dad said, "I never really flossed in my life, but one day I decided to. My god, there was so much shit in my teeth and I had just brushed! Stuff kept falling out of my teeth. I swear I filled my entire sink with gunk that I left after brushing. Now I just feel shit between my teeth."

That perked my interest. I am curious about all things nasty. For instance, popping zits and/or blackheads (this is vomit-worthy, enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf8G-c_eAhs). One friday night, as a lonely middle-schooler, I hoisted myself onto my bathroom counter top. This is the optimum position for extreme zit-popping because I can get so close to the mirror that I can feel the fog of my breath. So I did the standard pick, poke, and squeeze of my face. Then I got to glaring at this blackhead on my nose. It had been there for years...this stubborn, black dot. Let's just say I did not know that skin pores went down that deep. By the time I had squeezed the black spot out, it felt like I had tunneled down into the inner-organs of my body. I had actually gone through all seven-layers of my skin for half my nose. For the rest of the week I looked like a burn victim, but that blackhead never came back.

I am also curious about the roots of hairs. Did you know that your knees have the longest roots? Fascinating! Just like I am fascinated with rare diseases. I don't remember their names because I'm no doctor.

So this morning I flossed my teeth. Not exciting. I didn't take my dad's testimony of an "entire sink", but at least half a sink would have been disgusting and fascinating. I think I got one tiny piece of phglemy gunk in-between two black molars. So, next time I go to the dentist I'll say, "Fuck flossing."
Actually, no I won't say that. I'm not that confident.

Paris Hilton endorses "Fuck flossing"